Childless aunt refuses to pay for her 18-year-old niece's college after she joked about having tons of money and no responsibilities: ' She rolled her eyes and said it was just a joke, and I needed to lighten up'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 13, 2024 1:00 PM EST

So many women get disrespected because they don't follow the trajectory of getting married and having kids that everybody is expected to follow. It's not always obviously misogynistic rhetoric like, "Your eggs are rotting inside of you, and your sole biological function will never be realized, rendering your existence in this world pointless." If you're not in a community of online weirdos, the disrespect is more likely to crop up in sayings like, "You're so lucky you don't have any real responsibilities." The idea that someone doesn't have real problems because they're childless is absurd. They still have to wake up daily, clean their house, buy groceries, work, and pay their bills. Those duties might feel futile to someone who has to deprioritize themselves for someone else, but that doesn't make them any less real to the person who has to do them. The aunt in this story knows all too well how it feels to be taken for granted by the children and parents in her family. 

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  • 01
    AITA for refusing to pay for my niece's college after she publicly humiliated me?
    via u/Imaginary-Carrot2532
  • 02
    I (45F) am child-free by choice but have always been close to my brother (47M) and his daughter, Emily (18F). Over the years, I've saved up a decent amount of money, and I offered to help pay for Emily's college when the time came. She's a smart kid, and I wanted to give her opportunities I never had growing up.
    via u/Imaginary-Carrot2532
  • 03
    Everything was fine until last month. I was invited to Emily's high school graduation party, which was a big deal in our family. During the party, Emily gave a speech thanking everyone for their support. She thanked her parents, her grandparents, even her friends. Then she paused, looked at me, and said:
    via u/Imaginary-Carrot2532
  • 04
    "And a big thanks to Aunt (me) for not having kids so she could spoil me like I'm hers. Must be nice having all that extra money and no responsibilities."
    via u/Imaginary-Carrot2532
  • 05
    The entire room laughed, and I froze. I could feel everyone looking at me, and all I could do was smile awkwardly. I've heard jokes about being child-free before, but this felt cruel and unnecessary, especially since I've sacrificed a lot to save for her future. My brother and sister-in- law laughed too, which hurt even more.
    via u/Imaginary-Carrot2532
  • 06
    After the party, I confronted Emily privately. She rolled her eyes and said it was just a joke, and I needed to lighten up. My brother brushed it off, saying, "Teenagers can be dumb, don't take it personally."
    via u/Imaginary-Carrot2532
  • 07
    I've spent weeks thinking about this, and I've decided to withdraw my offer to pay for her college. I feel like she doesn't respect me or the effort I've made to support her. When I told my brother, he blew up at me, calling me selfish and accusing me of punishing Emily for "one harmless joke."
    via u/Imaginary-Carrot2532
  • 08
    Emily hasn't apologized, and now I'm questioning if I'm being too harsh.
    via u/Imaginary-Carrot2532
  • 09
    Historical_Agent9426 • 18h ago ΝΤΑ "Emily's little joke made me realize that I have all this extra money and it would be nice to spend it on myself because, as she reminded everyone, she isn't really my responsibility."
    via u/Historical_Agent9426
  • 10
    She has had plenty of opportunities to apologize, but she is going to have to learn the hard way not to bite the hand that feeds her. Too bad her parents never taught her gratitude, but something tells me she learned this sense of entitlement from them. they all are going to learn a very expensive lesson guess
    via u/Historical_Agent9426
  • 11
    Educational Radio18 NTA. As others have mentioned, even if it truly was a joke, she should have apologized for hurting your feelings and promised to be more considerate in the future. When I was growing up, my parents would tell me, "No one has to give you gifts. If they do, show that you appreciate it." Sounds like Emily may not have learned that. I would not continue to give gifts to someone that hurts my feelings and is fine with it.
    via u/Educational_Radio18
  • 12
    the_Ozz I would be shocked if this comment even originated in her brain. Seems way more likely she heard this from a parent and then repeated it. This does not excuse her actions, she's an adult, but it does explain the brother's reaction. He clearly agrees with the sentiment.
    via u/the_0zz
  • 13
    Cursd818 ΝΤΑ Emily has not apologised because she is not sorry. And this is an attitude that she has very clearly learned from her parents, who view you as nothing more than an ATM so they can avoid paying for their own kid. If you give in, they will never see you as anything else.
    via u/Cursd818
  • 14
    Prioritise yourself. And even IF they apologise, make it clear that the money is off the table. If they want an actual relationship with you, they'll accept that they gave up the right to your money. If they rescind their apology because the money train has ended, cut them off entirely.
    via u/Cursd818
  • 15
    Tfuentexxx • 18h ago • Edited 18h ago • She hasn't apologized, which means you are not being too harsh. I understand the teenager/stupid/jokes scenario, but if she does not apologize and repent for humiliating you, even if that was not her intention, then you still are not harsh enough. Do not cave. Have some self respect and teach this kid and her parents that actions have consequences. Let them deal with them. Grow a spine. Driving under influence might be a teenager stupid mistake, but after
    via u/Tfuentexxx
  • 16
    Funny_Bat432 • 18h ago • Top 5% Commenter I feel the same, it's the lack of apology that seals that op is being disrespected. It's not hard to apologize when something said is intended. differently than it's heard. Niece is young but when she realized she'd hurt her aunt, an apology was the right thing. Or even a conversation about what she said and what she meant.
    via u/Funny_Bat432
  • 17
    Tfuentexxx It's not hard to apologize when something said is intended differently than it's heard. Exactly! I wanted to believe, at first, she tried to joke but failed miserably. Now, I only see disrespect and disdain for her aunt's life style. If so, she does not deserve OP's money and time.
    via u/Tfuentexxx
  • 18
    Temporary_Nebula_295 • 18h ago When they demand the money again, tell them you have bought yourself a holiday home and the money is gone. When they complain about you letting them down, tell them it's one of the perks of having no kids - you have no responsibilities to anyone. NTA.
    via u/Temporary_Nebula_295
  • 19
    Werm_Vessel • 17h ago • No! When they ask for the money again, just simply say; "I didn't mean it, I was always only joking about the college fund! As if I'd pay for my Brother's kid's education, that's his responsibility"
    via u/Werm_Vessel
  • 20
    bala_means_bullet Lol or she can tell them that she now plans to explore IVF so she can spend the money on someone worthy
    via u/bala_means_bullet
  • 21
    muphasta It may have been harmless to him, but it certainly wasn't harmless to you. Let it simmer for a while. You don't need to make a decision for a while. I doubt anyone without a financial stake in this would blame you for not financially supporting her.
    via u/muphasta
  • 22
    Cheezburger Image 10441417984
    via Ave Calvar (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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